As I slowly approach the end of my
senior year I begin think back, back on all the time that I spent in school,
and what I would have changed, and what I wouldn’t do differently in any way
shape or form. I think about all the times that I may have slacked off, or done
something stupid, and wish that I could go back and change it, because I know
that doing that would only better my future. I think back to how much I’ve
screwed up, and I loathe the decisions that I made, knowing how much better of
a person I would be, and how brighter my future would be had I done it
differently. Part of me wants to go back and change it all, to live my life
again knowing the consequences that would occur if I didn’t do what I should.
There’s also part of me that thinks I shouldn’t change a thing, because if I
change all those things that I did wrong, who’s to say that worse things wouldn’t
arise from that? All the things that I now count myself lucky to have could
disappear.
I sit here and wonder what life will
be like once it’s all over, and once all the things that happened in my school
years are behind me. Soon all those choices that I made won’t matter at all,
except to me, who will always hold them in contempt in my mind. Everyone else
will have forgotten, but I will remember. What will change in my life? Will I
become a better person than I ever imagined because of those things that I did
wrong? Perhaps they will remind me what could happen, and thus scare me into
making sure that I never make those mistakes. I may also go down a darker road,
one that I wish not to think of, but is surely possible, one that would makes
all those who thought highly of me not even want to look at me. I sure hope
that no matter what happens I can avoid that path at all costs. No matter what
happens, I come at it full on, ready to fight whatever challenge the world may
throw at me.
